Words He Won't Say
by Written Fairground
Summary: Yumichika and Ikkaku, unspoken confessions and drama. Told from an outside point of view. Rated M for some stuff I might post later. Review and enjoy! :D
1. Words

**Author's Note:**

**Hello, hello! **

**If you haven't read "Through a Glass Dish," I suggest you read this first. This will act as the prequel to it. If you haven't, and feel you want to read this first, here is a little information you need:**

**The story will be told my character, Harisara. (She has siblings. But I think I'll only introduce two. In the plan I've written for this, only two fit in.) Yes, she is dating Hisagi, but this is for my purposes of the story. Not a lot of romance on their part, since I feel like it's so cheap. D: **

**Please enjoy this, and send feedback. I've worked hard on this. **

**Enjoy**

_**Words He Won't Say**_

_**Chapter One**_

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"Oh my god."

"Harisara…"

"You…you love him!"

"Please, don't say anything." Yumichika got closer to me, his eyes begging.

I seized his shoulders and jiggled him. "Yumichika….what are you going to do?!"

"I can do what I want!"

"You can't keep it a secret. Does he know?!"

He gulped. "No."

"NO?!"

"I can't say anything."

"Yes you can…what if he loves you back?"

"He doesn't."

"I bet he does."

"How do you know?"

"I have a boyfriend, remember?" -Letting him go, I crossed my arms- "Guys are easy to read like that."

My feathered friend bit his lip, it trembled a bit. I felt terrible, as a defense, I flipped my ponytail over my shoulder.

He began: "Hari, I ask you…"

"It isn't fair to yourself. Or him. Yumichika…"

"I'm pleading with all my heart…"

A sigh burst from me. "Yumichika…"

He looked seconds away from crying. It's one of those times where you have to give up, or regret ever winning. Like, we've all done it. Bitched and moaned until you got what you wanted. And afterwards, you felt so stupid for making such as fuss out of it that you don't even want it anymore. Even if Ayasegawa confesses to me or him, it won't be for him. It'll be for me. Admit defeat, Harisara, admit defeat.

"…Okay. I'll close my mouth." Just like I always do when annoyed, I pinched the bridge of my nose.

"Thank you." He breathed. Never before had I seen that much relief spread a man's face.

"Can I tell Hisagi?"

"NO!" He raised a fist at me. "If you can't tell Ikkaku, what makes you think you can tell your idiot boyfriend?!"

"Because we tell each other everything!"

"Don't play this cutie love game with me!" He spat. "It's a secret. Do you understand?"

"Yes…but-"

"No. No." He swooped on me, his finger pointing to my nose. "Nod to me that you understand."

A nod.

"And that you are FORBBIDEN to tell even your family?"

Bob of the head, reluctantly.

"Good. Thank you Harisara."

Biting my lip, I put my hand on his. "I'm just concerned. Shouldn't you tell him?"

"Harisara, you need to learn that your world would go around a great deal faster if you learned to mind your own business." *

Ouch. "Hey! Sorry for trying to be a friend!" That came out to harsh.

We both sat in silence for a minute. Yumichika was breathing in an abnormal pattern. My heart ached, this isn't fair. Why do men have to be so hesitant to emotions? Can't they at least share them? Damn, the man raves about his beauty! Use it for once! Get your man!

Yumichika sighed heavily. "Please, don't fret over me. I can handle things like this. I Remember, I am an adult."

"So what? People still need people to listen to them. Stop pushing away assistance."

He smiled. "Will you just…trust me?"

Shoot. "Yes…but if I sense this is getting out of hand…"

"Thank you, Harisara."

And as if I had just invited him to dinner, he turned out of my office and closed the door with a soft bang. Left with only one word in my boggled brain: WHAT.

Nothing bothers me more then people who don't share what they feel. If you're going to feel it, and be confused about it…talk to someone! Ragaki says I'm too involved. She says that I just want to help everyone, and that this task is impossible. Wrong. I don't want to help everyone. Just those I find dear to me. Not that Yumichika is a close friend, but he is an ally. Shouldn't I help?

Plus, Ragaki is so reserved. Not only does she not let you know little things like if she is hungry or tired, but big things. Like dates or stuff like that. On top of it, she won't let me in on her love life. Sad day!

Okay, here is what went down with Yumichika earlier. Once upon a time, I saw Yumichika give Ikkaku the _stare_. Ladies, you know what I'm talking about. Where you loosen up and just drink in what you see. Usually to one of those men who are just drop dead hot. We all know those people, they walk in the room and you don't even know them; but gladly you undress them if you could. That kind of gaze, mixed with pure feeling. Romantic feeling! Gah!

As a sucker for tender things, it isn't a shock I'd confront him on it. The conversation before was started when he begun to brag about their latest escapade with a hollow. After I got every single movement and the number of breaths Madarame took, it hit me. And…yeah.

He was bragging like I do about my boyfriend! It was repulsive for me to sit there and not say anything! Was it wrong of me to do it? Oh…damn…I'll make it up later. Whatever we have for dinner tonight, I'll bring extra for him tomorrow. Ah, why does it have to be like this!? Don't people think like me? If I have a emotion like that, holy crap, PLEASE say something before I do. In fact, I asked out Hisagi on our first date. _That's _how terrible I get.

I put my head down, exhaling. You know what the worst of this is? I have to keep it confidential. This is going to kill me. Without taking my forehead from it's planted position, I raked all the papers off my desk. My god, I'm a terrible person…

Now I'm going to have to keep it bottled up.

Good bye world.

* * *

**A/N:**

**I hope you enjoyed this!**

**Chapter two will be posted soon! **

*** This is a condensed line from Alice in Wonderland**


	2. Bumps

**Author's Note:**

**Before you read, I'm sorry. This is a dreadful chapter. **

**I had to update. **

Whoa, watch where you're - Oh! Hey, Harisara."

Doomed. Doomed! I had run straight into Ikkaku. He put his hands into his pockets, and eyed me. Backing up, I let out a insane laugh. One you do when you know it's all about to come out. My bald friend's eyes grew, and one of his thin eyebrows curved smartly up his bare forehead.

"What's your deal?"

"Me?" Oh crap. "I'm just having a hectic morning! Super busy, so busy…"

Sighing, he scratched his cheek. "Whatever you say. Oh! I'm glad I caught you though."

"Really?"

"Have you seen Yumichika today? I saw him earlier and he just kinda…ran off."

Every single swear word the human language ran through my mind at light speed. "W-why would he do that?"

"How the hell should I know?"

I tucked a piece of hair behind my ears. "Oh, he has been acting strange…" This was bad. The secret bumped against my lips. I had to press them into a very thin line to keep it in. Ikkaku gave he a look of clear bafflement before he shrugged it off to scan the surrounding space.

"Yeah, but it's whatever. He'll come around whenever he feels like it. He can be such a diva sometimes."

You have no idea. I noticed he seemed to have a faint smile behind his hardhearted, pale face. "Oh, I'm sure he is just having a day…we all have them."

Ikkaku made a noise of passive thought, and a looked over my shoulder. "Say…are you staying later than usual today?"

When am I not? "Probably."

"Could I leave some work with you?" He asked, looking back to me.

"F-fine…" I had to make up an explanation as to why I shouldn't, swiftly "But…I might not do it until…you know. I have to go see Ragaki later. I can't do it." Saved! I was recovered!

He chuckled a bit. "Well, damn. It's not a big deal, really."

"That's…good." I wanted to blurt out so bad what I knew. Sweat was beading across my head like an elaborate head piece. "Well, I'm going to go see…you know…Ragaki…"

"Alright." He sauntered past me. "You tell that gorgeous sister of yours I said hello."

Ew.

Spending the entire day boiling with fury and excitement that I had just found out a secret to a good friend, I was ready to shoot myself when it came time for me to leave the office. My agenda for the day was simple, and got even more linear once I left. I had to drop off some papers to Ragaki, stop in a see how my Captain was doing with the report, then go home for some dinner. Sweet, sweet dinner.

Since checking my Captain takes a grand total of negative ten seconds, I rushed through that. Greeted with the sight of my very large, muscular higher, sleeping serenely. I rolled my eyes, what a total slob. His office is a wreck! Shaking my head, I slipped out of the headquarters. I needed to, if I caught another glimpse of Madarame, I'd spill the beans. Of course, I bet I looked stupid being practically at full sprint to get out of my division.

Ragaki was somewhere around the fifth division station. Like you'd guess, I began to head over there. I counted off the paths to the divisions along the way. _10th__…9__th__…8__th__…_I hate how far away she works! Maybe if I get there, I can look at the hunky Captain. Oh, Aizen! Your glasses are so erotic! I smiled to myself, it was totally obvious that Ragaki had some sort of a crush on him. Then again, who didn't?

Once I reached my elder sister's office, I lightly rapped on the door. "Come on in!" her voice rang, she was listening to a jazz record. Tacky musical taste, she has.

"Hello." I sang, pushing the door open. My sister's office was disgustingly ordered, a inclusive contrast to my own Captain's. She had many files along the walls, record books in order and even the a small number of vinyl disks she had were neatly placed. (Probably alphabetized, no doubt.) "You wanted these papers, right?"

"Mmhmm." She got up and stretched. "Yeah, just put them in that box, I'll get to them after a break."

"Sheesh." I eyed her desk as I placed the papers where she wanted them. "Do you even have time to blink or breathe?"

She scratched her back with a pencil. "Oh come on, what else would I do? Work is necessary." I looked at her, she was scanning rows of books on a tall, dark shelf. Ragaki's hair was a very deep, rich brown, it was almost black. While my hair was slick with straightness, hers was wild with curl. Not even a full curl, it was like she just bent the hair with the barrel. I moaned at her over all look, she was so busy keeping others in order.

"But seriously, you're so young." This jazz is bothersome. Shut it off! "Shouldn't you be dating or something?"

"I don't want to have little happy love life like you, Hari." She teased, swaging to the blaring music. "Like so many others, as well."

"Yeah, cheerful. That's what you think…" I trailed off, thinking about Yumichika. The poor dear. Oh…wait. I snapped my gaze back to Ragaki, who was eyeing me apprehensively.

"Is something wrong with the two of you?" She asked, trepidation leaking from her voice.

Uh oh. "No, no! I wasn't talking about me. Just a friend…" Did I dodge the bullet?

"That's a shame. Who is it?"

"No one."

Ragaki pointed her brown eyes. "Harisara, are you okay?"

I gulped. "Have you ever had a secret that you know you shouldn't tell, but if you didn't you'd die?"

"No?" She crossed her arms.

Come on! "You mean…you don't?"

"I'm good at keeping secrets."

My face lit up. "Then…can I tell you one?"

Ragaki gave me a look that read: Is-that-such-a-good-idea? Dang. "Harisara…"

"I know who Yumichika is in love with."

"Oh?" She didn't want me to go on. You could tell.

"Yeah…it's awesome."

"That's interesting." She sat back down at her desk, picking up the papers she had been working on before I had walked in. "Does he mind if you tell me?"

"Well. Yes."

Ragaki gave me a piercing look of infuriation. "With that being said…"

"…Ragaki! It's such a cool thing to know!"

"Harisara, I'm going to be frank with you." She put her chin in her hand. "I don't want to know."

Sputtering I put my hands down on her desk. "Why not!"

"Not my business."

"Then make it your business."

My sister rubbed her forehead, her nails were painted a light pink this week. Messing with her bangs, she took the needle off the record. "Harisara. I want you to think for a moment-"

Here it comes.

"- How you would feel if someone told a big secret of yours? Or butted into something you wanted to keep private?"

"It would suck…"

"…It would suck. So why do you want to do that to a friend of yours?"

Once again, I'll admit defeat. "You're right…I won't."

"Atta, girl!" She gave me a mocking clap. "Now, can you leave? I still have a billion things to do…"

I turned to the door and pulled it open. Turning to look at my sister, she was setting the needle back to her jazz record. She looked at it thoughtfully before going back to her work. I called: "Don't rot away in here. Go have some fun!"

Ragaki smiled down at her desk and waved at me, she didn't even look up. Thus cueing me to leave.

**Author's Note:**

**Had to update. I hate this chapter. The second is always the hardest to write for me. Ragaki might not ever come on again, or maybe she will. I don't like her character at all. **

**Hope you enjoyed! **


	3. Spills

**Author's Note:**

**This one was HARD to write. No matter how many times I reworked it, it won't sound right. But this is where I'll let the story get dramatic. Since I need practice on that!**

**Thanks for the sweet reviews!**

…**All two of you.**

**:D**

**

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Home. That's where I am…seconds away from exploding from my hidden piece of information. The set up is Hisagi on one side of the table, a couple bits of paperwork on the table. Half the time, he isn't even looking at his food, he just stares at the papers. It's funny, sometimes he'll miss his mouth with his spoon. Potato juice is on his cheek, I'm eyeing my napkin before giving up on it. (I want it gone.) I'm holding my fork, fist in my lap watching him. The right moment to strike…

I have it all figured out. Get him to _say_ that _he_ thinks Yumichika and Ikkaku are in love. Then I chime in with my news and ha! I win! Perfect, ain't it? Gracious, I'm so brainy.

"So…how is the magazine coming?" I ask in as casually cool of a voice I can muster.

He doesn't look at me, just scribbles on some form. "It'll be fine by the deadline. Some of the stories are kind of…messed up in…" He let his mouth hang open. "…layout…" Spacing out, are we? Drag him back!

"Did you submit anything this time?"

He shakes his head. Frowning, I try again.

"You know…we have a few writers in the Eleventh Squad."

"No kiddin'?"

"Yeah, not very good ones. But, your magazine could use the new submissions."

Instead of asking more, he laughs! Going back to his form, I tap my fork to my plate; fist in my lap clenching tighter. Is this going to have to become violent? Licking my lips, I pressed them in to a thin line of annoyance.

"Well…" God, help me. "Yumichika has written some good stuff."

Lies always work! He gave me a side glance before looking at the ceiling, thinking. "Um…the pretty boy, right? Always talks about how he looks?"

"That's the one!" Oh ho, Harisara…you're too proficient in this area.

Hisagi whirled his spoon. "What kind of stuff does he write?"

"Romantic things. They're so _pretty _that he _forbids _most from seeing it." Lame.

Blast, he didn't get it. He let out a snort of laughter, clanking his utensil to his plate. "What does he know about romance? Have you been spouting your nonsense again to him?"

Gah! "No! I mean, it should be _obvious _he writes about it!"

"Nah, not really."

"Not even a little?"

"Nope."

"You know, he is in love right?"

Aw, dang. Hisagi looked up at me from the top of his paper. "Excuse me?"

"Meaning…he is in love with someone." My attempt to recover my blunder.

"Clearly…"

I dropped my fork, and leaned forward. "Can you guess who?"

"Is it you?"

"Hisagi!"

"Kidding, kidding." He smiled. Man, I love when he gets like this.

Anyways, back to my attempt. "No…it's…well. Think about it."

Hisagi sighed, and fanned me with his papers as he set them down. "Is it…Rangiku?"

"Ha! Like he would like busty women!"

"That puts you out…" He winked.

"We cleared that up." I ignored his extra two seconds of stare at my chest. "Guess!"

Blinking, he ran his fingers through his hair. "Well…I give." He picked his papers up again, utensil in hand to finish eating.

"No! You have to guess!" I bounced.

"Hari, I'm really not in the mood-"

"It's Ikkaku!"

DAMN. I slapped my hand over my mouth. Hisgai's documents slithered from his hand and fell to the floor. What did I just do? I ruined it! Fix it before everything fall apart! Oh no, he is going to tell everyone! HE IS GOING TO PRINT IT IN THE NEWSPAPER! OH NO!

"He…is in love with Ikkaku?"

Tears were jumping to my eyes, I'm a horrible supporter to Yumichika. "Yes."

"He is gay?"

"Mmmhmm…" I sighed, mend it, Harisara. 'Well. Not really. I don't think he likes other men. Just…he loves Ikkaku."

"Ikkaku isn't queer."

My heart tugged, though I already knew. "He isn't?"

"No. Trust me, they way he talks. He isn't."

Oh no. New information. This made me grow even sadder. Bowing my head down, Hisagi patted me on the back of the hand. Now I felt nothing but pity. Yumichika loves one person…he doesn't love anything else like that…and that person won't feel the same? How can that be? What kind of messed up fate maker twist feelings and morals to the point of crushing something so pretty? No one deserves this. You should lose that.

Wait. Should I tell him? No…he knows. Yumichika isn't stupid. That's why he won't convey his thoughts to him! He knows it's a lost cause…that breaks my heart! Before I knew it, I was breaking down into sobs. Hisagi was stroking the back of my hand slowly, attempting to comfort me though he isn't looking up from his papers. Stroking my hair, he kept muttering and shushing me gently.

"Don't cry…it'll be okay…" He sounded perturbed. "Um. I'm sure Ayasegawa will move on…"

"Why…should he!" I burst, sobbing harder. I am such a drama queen. "If he loves him, why can't he love him back?" Hiccupping, I rubbed my eyes. This is pathetic.

"That's not how it works, Harisara."

"It should work like that!"

"In a Utopia, it would."

"What a stupid way to look at it!" I pushed his hand away, and pounded my fist on the table. "How come people can't get what they want?"

"People there would be a lot of sick things in the world if people did."

"Yeah, well what about the good things? Like this?"

"Look," He rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Don't get to wrapped up in this. It's not going to be the death of him or you. Concern yourself in other things. Like, work or your family. Not this. Besides I have work to do, babe."

My shoulders fell and I let out a scoff that brought him back. "You're so insensitive. Aren't you friends with them?"

"Sort of. But I know them well enough to know how they would want you to handle this. Meaning," He pushed his plate away. "Not at all."

Snatching my plate from the table, I stood up so harshly that the rest of the dishes on the table quivered violently. Hisagi made to grab a cup as it reeled around on the table. There wasn't anything in it, he just didn't want our glassware to bust or crack. I turned on my heel and marched into the kitchen to dispose of my plate's leftover contents and to retire to my room. Hisagi rolled his eyes and called:

"Why are you acting like such a brat? Things will settle down!"

"I don't want to talk to you about this anymore."

"Baby, don't do this." He stood up as well, rubbing his face with his hands. "We were having such a nice dinner."

Throwing one last malicious look at him, I slammed the door to our room as he bleated a groan from the table. This of course meant that he'll be pulling out a cot for the night or else I'd "accidentally" kick him during the night. Which means he'll want to "snuggle" tomorrow night. Ew. I couldn't even think about that at the moment. What a total punk.

I pouted on the bed, laying on my side for about an hour before I heard Hisagi pull out the smaller mattress to sleep on. I heard it hit the floor in a dull thud and heard him swear as it landed on his toe. Smiling I mouthed the word: "Good."

It'll be okay, right? Things can't get any worse from this point, can they?

Wait. I told him to keep this hushed, right?

Yeah.

* * *

"So. You and him fought over this friendship drama?"

"Yeah. He tried to be all cute this morning, too."

He had entered the room while I was still sleeping that morning, and tried to mutter in my ear he was sorry and kiss me on the neck, which is a cheap shot because it's my weak point and only annoyed me further. I shoved him off and left with my clothes in my arms. He hadn't even made me breakfast. I was dressing at Ragaki's house.

Ragaki was in front of her mirror, brushing her hair slowly with a frown. I was tying my middle sash and complaining as loudly as I could.

"I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you feelings. He is a guy, romance isn't really their forte."

"What a stupid excuse."

"Be reasonable, Hari."

"What! I am!"

"Maybe you should tell Yumichika about this. What sense does it make for him to fall for a man he cannot have?"

She set down her brush to face me, brown eyes full of concern. I pinched up my nose. "Ragaki, you know he knows about it."

"I figured, but…" She crossed her legs and studied me. "Shouldn't you let him know from your perspective of the situation?"

"No." I took down my hair to retie it. "Because I'll have to say that I told Hisagi."

"Not exactly. You just need to tell him that you don't see it happening."

"That's mean!"

"But makes you a better friend than you acted last night."

Ragaki can be so right sometimes that it makes her a bitch in my eyes. "You're right…how do I handle the stupid-head though?"

She chuckled and gave her hair another fluff in the mirror. "Hisagi, I presume?"

"Yes. I don't want to apologize or anything…"

"You might have to, Hari." She pursed her lips to the reflection. "That's how relationships work."

"But it'll be stupid!"

"It won't be stupid. Just say you didn't mean to blow up like that." Ragaki stood up gracefully and drifted over to get her things to got to work. I marched behind her out to door on to the street, she smelled sweet today, like vanilla. Breathing in deep, I twirled the end of ponytail around my finger.

"Ragaki, I don't want to go to work…" I saw the entrance to my head quarters coming up. "What if I tell Yumichika what I did?"

"Then you better beg for forgiveness." She smiled at me. "Do you need to stay at my place tonight?"

"No…I'll visit Hisagi during lunch…"

"Alright, have a good day, Hari."

"Yeah…thanks, Ragaki."

She walked away with her nags swinging from her arm. I watched her until she became a black speck in the distance. How did she know about relationships? Stupid sister wisdom. I walked into my office and set down my things before I went to my pacing.

Let's chart this out, if I tell Yumichika how I feel about the situation, I'd have to be honest. That means saying I fully support him and wish for the best. But that's mean, knowing what I know. If I told him the truth, his perfect little heart will be smashed and I'll feel like a jerk. Then I might have to explain that I told Hisagi and he'd kill me. And then he'd kill me and I'd have to die in my office with only the inconvenience of paper work not being done what everyone mourned about. They'd find me in a bloody puddle, while tusking and tutting about how I ruined the forms.

The end.

Well, here goes nothing. Wait…my hand stopped at the knob. Should I wait until the end of the day? No, early and make it clean while I'm fresh…no…yes!

My debating was startled gone by a knock at the door. I jumped and threw it open. To my utter shock, Yumichika stood there looking sheepish and sleepy.

"Hi, Yumichika!" He stepped in. "What are you doing here?"

"Close the door."

I obliged and motioned to a chair. "What's up?"

"I want to apologize for my unattractive outburst yesterday."

"You mean you telling me that you love Ikka-"

"Yes, that." He eyed the door. "It was incredibly rude of me to push that on you and take on the burden."

"Why?" I sat on my desk. "I really don't mind. Did something happen?"

Yumichika went quiet and looked down at the floor for a moment. "I just did some speculating last night and felt it was wrong of me to divulge all that to you."

"Wh-what did you think about?" I nervously bit my lip. I bet he knows I would tell and that I did.

"It was nothing."

"Yumichika! You have to tell me." I wailed, reaching and tugging his sleeve.

"Are you always this annoying?" He stood up and shook my grip off.

"No. I'm never annoying. You're stubborn."

"There is no reason I need to talk to you about my love life."

I let out an irritated sigh. "Yes you do! I know quite a few girls who'd DIE to be with you."

"If they died, how would we date?"

Fuck. "How should I know?"

"Why do you care? You have a boyfriend."

"He's stupid." I noticed his quizzical face. "And I want to help you land Ikkaku."

He went stiff, and shook my arm off. "This has nothing to do with you." -He turned and glared at me- "At all. I JUST said that."

"I…" Here it goes. "I already told Hisagi."

The world exploded. At least, it did for Yumichika. Instantly, he rounded on me. "WHY. Why did you tell him? This isn't even your business to tell, Harisara."

"It slipped! He didn't seem to mind…" Maybe I shouldn't have told him…either of them.

"I'm hiding it I fear of being judged." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "And now it's going to get out and I will be kicked out of the Division…"

"No!" I grabbed his upper arms. "Not at all! Hisagi didn't judge you negatively at all!"

"Because you're his girlfriend and he loves you too much to hurt your feelings."

"That's not-" Was that true? "Yumichika…I'm so sorry."

"You know our Squad's specialty. And brute strength is prominent, meaning no one will think that someone like me has the power enough to be here an-"

"Don't say that!" He yanked me off and stomped to the door. "Yumichika! I'm sorry!"

"You have seriously ruined it, Harisara."

The door slammed with a ringing silence.

I am such a bad friend.

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**A/N:**

**You know, this chapter turned out better than I thought. Harisara is just too cute and I didn't mean for her to be. **

**Hope you liked this! **

**- Emily**


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